I was having a happy contented day, the sun was shining, the residue of a joyous weekend still imbued me, and I had spent the morning bending and twisting my body in a gentle yoga session.
Then I went to visit mum, she had made a lovely lunch, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in her company, right up until the moment she began to share with me, what I needed to do, to sort out my life.
I could feel myself re-acting, I became defensive and every word I heard, seemed to cut at me, as though it was a personal attack. I can assure you it wasn’t; it was my mum looking out for me in the best way she knew how.
When we re-act it’s an alarm bell ringing inside of us, there’s an open wound, a self-judgement, a self-criticism – I had so many judgements about my mum and her mothering when I was a child, and later about myself as a mother – here I was feeling raw and emotional, as she judged and criticised those I loved.
We hugged and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, she could feel them too and hugged a little tighter.
Now at home I find myself reviewing her words, doubt is attempting to seed itself, I am contracting, spiralling down into a denser compacted state …. STOP.
1) Sitting tall I softly close my eyes, feeling every part of this long deep breath in, I follow it through the nostrils, over the back of my throat, down into the lungs expanding, opening, filling, and slowly, smoothly I exhale.
2) And now, I am inside my body, my attention is deep down in my lower belly, I draw the breath over the back of my throat hearing the ocean sound as the breath fills me, open, expansive, shoulders and jaw softening as I breath out, relaxed.
3) Looking onto the inner wall of my forehead, re-creating the vision I choose to see of my life, I can feel my body responding, the seeds of doubt falling away, I am the creator of my life.